Depression's Dark Hole


Depression is not for the feint of heart. It encapsulates your whole soul and makes you feel alone, exhausted, not wanting to do anything, be with anyone. Getting out of bed is tough, living your life is even tougher. And the problem is, it's so lonely! And exhausting! So, how does one find their way out of this horrible predicament? I do have some solutions that worked for me. Buckle up.


Let me tell you that I had depression for a long time, and there were many facets to it where the solutions uncovered themselves slowly over time, after I hit my head against the proverbial wall. For years.


Facet One was: I had sexual trauma and no healing from it until many years later, and no solutions or help from my parents that was really useful (sweep it under the rug, ignore it, did it really happen?) And the employee I had to see over the course of years until I was 28. Yep! So, nightmares, fear, mind spinning round and round in "trying to get out" scenarios plagued me. Close relationships resulted in not really happening. And boy, was I lonely.


Facet two: my gut health was apparently abysmal. I didn't know I was gluten and soy intolerant and deficient in a few key minerals and vitamins. (Tests later revealed that when I did a whole body assessment when I asked, what is going on in my body? It's time I finally knew.) And that affects your brains processing and happiness factor big time. BIG TIME! Why? because your body is constantly in a state of inflammation, and when your body is inflamed, the brain is not healthy either. Sad thoughts, bad thoughts, horrible thoughts proliferate and make you someone you don't want to be.


Facet three: I grew up in a house with alcoholism and an undiagnosed mental/social challenge, shall we say. Some might call it Borderline Personality Disorder. And so while I was the youngest by 6 years at least, I grew up essentially alone, already shut down and trying to figure it all out and survive the ever changing shifting sands and currents. So, it took me a long while to tease out who I was, what I was about, and how to untangle myself from this experience. And no one else could really help me, so I had to ask the universe for help. But I had to be very specific in my ask, and then watch, listen and wait for it to come.


Now, that last sentence might seem a little strange to you, but over time, the synchronicities of when I REALLY asked, and specifically, well, they became noticed by me and I thought to myself, how in the world is that happening? No, can't be. Not possible. But it was. For example, there was a new word in my vocabulary I came across in the newspaper one day and smart phones didn't exist yet for easy cross-referencing. So, I posed the question to the universe. What does that mean? And genuinely curious, I just set the intention out there.


A few days later, I heard that very same word, a word that is not common at all, used between people on the bus I was on while going to work. What?! That's bizarre. No, that's just weird. It kind of freaked me out a bit, (actually, a lot!) but there it was. I couldn't ignore it's truth. And it got me to thinking if this whole universe is rigged in some sense. So, I began to test it, but with honest and genuine curiosity and need. And the universe answered back in spades. WOW.


There were some things that needed to happen before the universe answered and things shifted. 1. I neede