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Depression's Dark Hole

Depression is not for the feint of heart. It encapsulates your whole soul and makes you feel alone, exhausted, not wanting to do anything, be with anyone. Getting out of bed is tough, living your life is even tougher. And the problem is, it's so lonely! And exhausting! So, how does one find their way out of this horrible predicament? I do have some solutions that worked for me. Buckle up.

Let me tell you that I had depression for a long time, and there were many facets to it where the solutions uncovered themselves slowly over time, after I hit my head against the proverbial wall. For years.

Facet One was: I had sexual trauma and no healing from it until many years later, and no solutions or help from my parents that was really useful (sweep it under the rug, ignore it, did it really happen?) And the employee I had to see over the course of years until I was 28. Yep! So, nightmares, fear, mind spinning round and round in "trying to get out" scenarios plagued me. Close relationships resulted in not really happening. And boy, was I lonely.

Facet two: my gut health was apparently abysmal. I didn't know I was gluten and soy intolerant and deficient in a few key minerals and vitamins. (Tests later revealed that when I did a whole body assessment when I asked, what is going on in my body? It's time I finally knew.) And that affects your brains processing and happiness factor big time. BIG TIME! Why? because your body is constantly in a state of inflammation, and when your body is inflamed, the brain is not healthy either. Sad thoughts, bad thoughts, horrible thoughts proliferate and make you someone you don't want to be.

Facet three: I grew up in a house with alcoholism and an undiagnosed mental/social challenge, shall we say. Some might call it Borderline Personality Disorder. And so while I was the youngest by 6 years at least, I grew up essentially alone, already shut down and trying to figure it all out and survive the ever changing shifting sands and currents. So, it took me a long while to tease out who I was, what I was about, and how to untangle myself from this experience. And no one else could really help me, so I had to ask the universe for help. But I had to be very specific in my ask, and then watch, listen and wait for it to come.

Now, that last sentence might seem a little strange to you, but over time, the synchronicities of when I REALLY asked, and specifically, well, they became noticed by me and I thought to myself, how in the world is that happening? No, can't be. Not possible. But it was. For example, there was a new word in my vocabulary I came across in the newspaper one day and smart phones didn't exist yet for easy cross-referencing. So, I posed the question to the universe. What does that mean? And genuinely curious, I just set the intention out there.

A few days later, I heard that very same word, a word that is not common at all, used between people on the bus I was on while going to work. What?! That's bizarre. No, that's just weird. It kind of freaked me out a bit, (actually, a lot!) but there it was. I couldn't ignore it's truth. And it got me to thinking if this whole universe is rigged in some sense. So, I began to test it, but with honest and genuine curiosity and need. And the universe answered back in spades. WOW.

There were some things that needed to happen before the universe answered and things shifted. 1. I needed to have a genuine need. This was not a "I need a chocolate bar and I only have 25 cents in my pocket" scenario. This was a: I really need to figure out how to feel better about this situation, or get myself out of this situation and into a better one. 2. The need had to be phrased in a way that was attainable by me. Meaning I couldn't change anyone else's actions, beliefs or feelings. But I could shift and grow myself. 3. I had to sometimes wait for the universe to get the parts together to help make it happen. Sometimes, I could feel into why it was taking so long: I wasn't ready or didn't have myself in the right spot emotionally, mentally, spiritually, or that it just wasn't the right time yet.

Why do I talk about these synchronicities and what some people call the Law of Attraction? Because that was a major element to help me get out my depression. One of the main reasons depression exists is because you simply cannot find a way out of your situation. You cannot even look outside, feel outside, connect outside. You have become so insular and isolated, that the beautiful wall of depression that you have created can't let any NEW information in.

Energy flows where attention goes.

If you want to connection, you need to reach. If you want a hug, you have to open your arms. But we aren't quite there yet to being all gooey and opened armed about this whole thing. Far from it. And I really, really get it. I remember the years of depression and it was horrible. So, if you have it, I really sympathize with you. Bear with me, as I share with you some really helpful tools to help you climb out of the hole you may be in.

So, there you are. Wanting all that life has to offer but not being able to get it, no matter how hard you try and in some ways parts of you are not wanting it, either. I want to ask you: Why perhaps don't you want it? What isn't working in your life? I honestly believe that most of depression can be fixed by a few things: better diet, taking care of yourself physically, and working through what stops you... from making those choices to get yourself in a position to actually have what you want. Read that last sentence again. Because it's important. You are the center of a lot of what is causing your depression. Bad news/Good news scenario, I know. But the good news is: You have the power to shift what you think/feel/believe so you can get what you want. It's always been that way!

The structure of the life you have created was based on surviving your life while growing up, right? And what we survive we recreate. It's one of the first lessons in NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming). And our creature neurology, once grabbing onto solutions that worked, files away those solutions to be used in the future because it worked! The problem ends up becoming that when we are older, we need new more time/age appropriate solutions to apply to our current situation. We have been operating, in a sense, on an old outdated operating system and we need to expand our repertoire and update our system to match our needs. How to do that? Some time, and careful reflection. And some really good questions to challenge why you are having that experience in the first place.

What would you like?

What would having that do for you?

How will you know when you have it?

What good will come to you when you have it?

Who or what would be harmed if you did have it? (think of all the voices in your head talking to you here.)

To move from where you are to a bigger better place, you need to open up, and let go of some ideas and beliefs that are holding you back. It all began for me when I started to smile at others. It was a small and simple gesture, but I was so unhappy, I was unhappy being unhappy. I was even tired of it's energy. So I looked outside of myself and tried to make someone else's world a bit brighter. And thus began my journey of moving outside of the boundaries I had created for myself. And connection and movement and greater happiness started to come my way.

In my view and experience, depression is when your existing paradigm no longer fits the desire of who you want to be, or the life you want to have. And there is such a mismatch, it might feel your whole body hurts. And you need to slough off the old, that which no longer serves you, and take the brave new steps into redefining yourself. And it's ok to do so! It's necessary, even. But why we don't often make that step is because of the fear of the unknown, fear of losing something or someone, fear that it won't work out, and more. Fill in the blank. But if we keep in the fear, we keep ourselves stuck and immovable. And for whom? Let me ask you this: who's life are you living yours for? If not for yourself, then you're doing it for the wrong person. They will never appreciate the sacrifices you have made, nor ever understand it. Don't you imagine it's best to live your life to the fullest, for you? What a joy that could be.


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