Updated: Aug 15, 2019
ACKNOWLEDGING what happened
No doubt you have told someone, or told everyone. Maybe it went over well, or it didn’t. The response was less than thrilling. And perhaps they did support you but there is something else you need. It’s important to really find out what happened. If you are blocking it out, that’s ok. But acknowledge that something happened and that it was not ok. Acknowledge that someone outsmarted, out-maneuvered, out-weighed you. Yes. Yes, someone was stronger, in a position to take advantage. Yes.
I’m sorry that happened to you. I’m sorry that you experienced that in this lifetime. What a pity. Breathe that acknowledgement into yourself. Know that I know what it must have been like, the others have been there in a similar situation. Understand that you are not alone.
Know that you are not weak. Someone was just stronger at that moment. It sucks, but there it is. But it doesn’t need to be that way any more. Allow yourself to imagine how you can be in the future with better resources, a better defense system (wit, humor, not being in a wrong place in a wrong time, having someone by your side). Whatever it is that you need, call for it now and let your younger self know that you survived in all the ways you have. Let him/her know that without that littler one, you can’t be here now, in the ways you are.
CARING For Yourself
Not everyone will believe you, some may say it’s your fault or hide behind some “reason” they cannot support you in the way you need. But your life is not about them. It is about you. Taking care of yourself and doing what you need to do to find peace with what happened and to make your steps forward is so important. Others might not be able to follow or acknowledge. They might HATE you for showing the truth. That is their fear, their belief system they are trying to protect. Honor that. That’s ok. It’s unfortunate, but you have to take care of your priorities and honor yourself. You will find just the right people to support you and be your friend, and not in a codependent way but in a positive balanced way.
Say to yourself: as many times as you need until it really clicks in. Don’t be surprised at some upheaval or emotions or resistance.
I have the right to exist.
I have the right to need.
I have the right to love and be loved. I have the right to make my own decisions.
I have the right to be separate and my own self.
When you can care for yourself and start to look more inward as your own greatest resource, the power you will find will be unmatched by those looking to take advantage. They won’t even bother because they know they are outmatched. You will once again expand into all crevices of yourself and begin to expand outward, shining more powerfully than before.
ASKING for What You Want
When someone has experienced that someone has “taken” something away, it may be now more difficult to ask for things, to take. Your experience is out of balance. With the above exercise, I hope that you feel more comfortable taking for yourself, in just the right ways. You do have the rights, just like anyone else to be sovereign to yourself and create your own amazing life. It’s ok to ask for what you want. It’s crucial that you ask for what you want. Why?
If you create the framework of what you want, then your brain, body, mind and soul can all do their things to scan for it, attract it and eventually get it. You may be surprised at how quickly your world might become more attuned to actually getting it. Imagine this: they need a compass; they thrive on it. Help them out by telling them what you want.
What do you want? Seriously, what do you want? It’s ok to ask it and it’s ok to have it. It’s your right. Once you know that you can have it, getting it will be that much easier.
TAKING Personal Responsibility
You might be thinking “What?! I’m not responsible for what happened! Don’t ever pin this on me! I’m not at fault here!” No, you are not at fault. All I am saying is to acknowledge that you had a shared experience. Acknowledge your part in it. Acknowledge that even if you didn’t want to be there, you were. You were there. It happened.
What does this do for you? It starts to ease the resistance. It starts to put more parts of you online and inline with being more cohesive and complete. When all you do is resist, all your energy is spent doing just that. Resisting! How can one possibly start to bring in new things when one is negating what one experienced?
CLEARING Cellular Memory
It’s not just the mind that has the memory, but all of your cells and all of your soul has the memory stored so you can prevent it from happening again. But when you keep something so close to you for so long, there is no space for something new and wonderful to come into your life. Your world is filled with the unpleasant (to say the least!) past.
Even check in on if you feel whole, or if some part or parts of you totally vacated the premises and have never returned. This is what many people call soul loss and it’s a very real thing. When something is bad enough, it’s just too much, and some parts split. But you can get them back. Call them back, soothe their pain. Say “I need you and I want you back. I will take care of you. You are so important to make me whole.” Even do Ho’o Pono Pono with them to clear their sadness, resistance, whatever is still stuck with them. (See next section)And bring them back into the fold of the wonderful you that is here. Let them know that they are safe. Let them know that you’ve got this now.
FORGIVING The Perpetrator. Forgiving Yourself.
Forgiveness of yourself and of the perpetrator is a crucial step into the healing process. I understand the “I’m not EVER going to forgive that person!” Ooh, now that would be righteous anger. Good for you, but…where does that ever get you? Are you better for it? Does anything ever really change?... Has it changed for you yet?
I was in that position for years! But you know what I came to? That person didn’t care. He didn’t know I existed or hated him as much as I did. But what was happening was that I was sick all the time with bronchitis (where fear is held), ankle sprains (not standing up for myself), in anger/hatred mode all the time. ALL THE TIME. But, I was the one being affected, not him. I had my life to live and somehow I was the key to being happy and moving forward. No one else could do it but me.
Please try this phrase out. It’s from Hawaiian Spiritual-Based Healing called Ho’o Pono Pono. It means to make it right, make it right. The phrase is:
“I’m sorry, Please forgive me, I love you, I thank you.” Say it once, say it a thousand times when you feel pangs of regret, sadness, anger.
Why this phrase? There is an understanding that there is a common consciousness within all beings. Plants, animals, rocks, people, the air in the sky. All that runs through us is one and the same, so if I heal myself and honor myself, then I heal and honor you, too. I can only change my beliefs and actions, but if I do, then it will send a ripple affect throughout my experience and everybody else’s. When my vibration changes, then so does everybody else’s. Heal thyself. Cool.
ATTRACTING What You Want
The higher your vibration is (meaning the closer to truth, integrity, kindness which is all expansive energy), the less drama, less fear, apathy and contraction will exist in your life. What’s more is that more engagement, expansion, focus, clarity will exist for you, too. Awesome, right?!
You will no longer be attracted to that which no longer serves you. You won’t need drama! You won’t need jerks that don’t acknowledge you. You won’t need vindication. Why? Because you have found that you create your own happiness. Your own wheels will be turning and creating your future, the right future that you want. Birds of a feather flock together.
Look, I was really good at being single, good at being angry and sad and miserable, but I was miserable and lonely. Through this journey to the other side of trauma, I have found greater connection with myself, with others and can welcome wonderful people and be part of amazing beautiful moments as they come up. Yes, there are some moments that are not so stellar, but I have enough foundation now to weather those storms. I don’t resist, I welcome it with open arms. All that comes my way.
I wish you all the greatest happiness in the world.
If you or someone you know would like help navigating through your experience, please give me a call or sign up online for a free 30 minute consultation. I’m here to help.
Dream Big, hold on tight and keep your heart open wide.